Let's TALK!!!!!

Soooo, what's happening. I started my point system and I feel so much more optimistic about things! I think I can beat this 35 pounds into oblivion. I've been keeping up with my diet and not eating crap at night. Now I'm eating fruit at 2 in the morning. Yeah....I know I should be eating NADA but old habits die hard. Speaking of old habits, my ex is still popping up and still trying to work something out. Maybe I'm just not believing the hype, but I'm keeping my eye out on him. I know that I love him, I just wonder if that's enough. Oh well...I just got to keep my mind of the prize and finish what work I have in front of me. Losing this weight is a number one priority. I plan to go back to running in the morning and tae bo at night again. The appetite is just the first hurdle that I have to get through. I wonder how my trip with go to you know where. Will it be awkward...will we fall magically back in love. Will we argue about the past. Will I go home with a ring? Who knows, but one thing I'm sure of, the trip will change my life in one way or the other.

I know we both made some serious mistakes, but we are older now. Hopefully we have our shit together and we can just move on, love and do what couples do. Ahhhh, my Spanish love...who would have thought it!

I need a HUG Jesus!

I know I know I am horrible. I need to commit myself to writing here at least once or twice a week. Life is good, though I still a slacker I still feel that I am moving towards a better "place" I really want to know why I am so full of hot air. I mean I can spew some crap sometimes, just I will, I will, I will and I don't do anything. I really want to stop this destructive behavior. I really need God's help and his hand to guide me into this transition. I am too old, for this foolishness! I am disappointed in myself, I know I should be farther along then I am. I have to look myself in the mirror and tackle some of my biggest demons. Weight and Education. I cannot believe I have allowed myself to get this huge, its utterly disgusting. I am actually concerned:( I keep saying I will do something, but I don't.

There are two things that I am praying for guidance with:
My weight I would like to lose 15 pounds by mid October
My Education I would like to finish more than halfway of my courses.
So I write this open letter to God asking for his help. SINCERELY!
I am tired of not feeling pretty and not feeling smart enough. Ok enough babbling. The first thing on the agenda is drinking more water. So lets see what happens when one stops eating junk and drinks more water:)

I will check in later PEACE

The NeW NeW

Soooooooooo I got a call from my ex and to put a long story short...He still LOVES me:) Now what do I do with this information. Now I am dating someone, and its going well with him. This blast from the past is really shaking me to the core. I totally have feelings for this guy, and I also feel that we have a deep history that makes being together envitable. This guy that I'm dating is very nice and being with him has made me happy for the last year.