EMO

Yesterday and today were rocky days..gee Louise.
-So I'm totally blind I have a degenerative eye disease called Keratoconus and its slowly ruining my vision. I found out today that my vision has gotten worse and that this disease will literally send me to the poor house. When I think of my bills I automatically think about marrying Akeem and saying "Fack It".
- I totally hate my job and I'm tired of not getting paid..long story too sad to recount.
-I am falling out of love with "Old Man River" so quickly its shocking to me
-I'm signing up for boxing classes
-I miss my blender very much and Green Monsters
-I miss my mother terribly and I want to go home
-I cannot wait to be a solid size 4 again, I'm enjoying my workouts and running every night esp. while listening to "Thriller"
-this guy who frequents my office likes me
-he's HUGE lol
-I need to find a second job and maybe even a third
-I want to move to California
-I hope God sends me some mayjah signs soon I'm getting quite restless

Shape Up

I've kind of fallen off the wagon..I did mention that in my last post. I looked over my diet and I have been eating some ish that is totally out of control and not in my plan. I do commend myself for at least realizing that I'm eating junk and making a concerted effort to stop. I believe that once you start eating junk food you start to crave it and of lately I've been craving it badly. I do believe part of this has to do with my cycle but I think in lieu of my personal life eating crap has just made me feel plain good. I tend to stress eat so I have to be very careful of what I eat and my portions. I also find that my sleeping habits are out of wack again so I have to be more diligent in making sure I'm actually laying down by 11:30 no later than 1am.

So yesterday my meals included

Green Tea
5 spoonfuls of Oatmeal

Jason's Deli Bird to the Wise/ SO FATTENING but tasty. I ate the sandwich in two parts..and I also had a bag of chips and a serving of steamed veggies. I plan to buy some groceries today because I've been eating out like crazy and I rather be in control of what I eat. I also had about 7 peanut-butter saltine sandwiches and some jolly ranchers and peach tea..

so yeah I need to quit and start eating much cleaner. Fruits & Veggies minimize the carbs.

I'm still working out I wish my thighs and stomach would get smaller I feel so hippy but I know I can lose the weight I just have to watch my intake and try walking a few times a night.
Today is a busy day so off I go..wish me luck with my meals and my overall health:)

Jacqueline

I'm currently reading "All to Human" by Edward Klein.

I bought 2 other books..an autobiography on Edward Moore Kennedy and a book called Life after Jack...

yes I'm a KENNEDY stan.. and I hope to write a book about Jackie and the 3 Kennedy boys one day:)

ps. I also got a copy of Death of a President which is no longer published so yes I AM SO HAPPY!!!

on to my eating which has literally been out of control for the last few days

Friday

Oatmeal w/almond buttah and crushed Cliff Bar

Oatmeal Cream Pie

1 triangle of a quesidilla

Chicken Tortilla Soup

1 order of Parmasean Garlic Fries

1 bag of smartfood popcorn

half a Cliffbar

1 nectarine

Rice Dream Vanilla Bar

UMMM I NEED TO SLOW MY ROLL

Saturday

Lunch: Navy Beans, Spinach, Salmon, 4 cheese rice, orange pepper, carrots and hummus & Rice Dream Vanilla Bar

Dinner: Amy's Organic Burrito with Cheddar Cheese, Brussell Sprouts & Navy Beans, Snickers Bar, Fridays Buffalo Sticks

this is not good I'm eating a lot of ish and I need to quit..I believe this calls for a two workout a day week..argghhh oh well I have 20 more pounds to go they aint coming off like this..gotta keep focused...oh I drank loads of water and some gingerale..bah!

M.I.A

I know no one reads this but I will say on my part that I need to do better and blog for my satisfaction and to keep track of the things that I digest. I have been living a pretty clean life and eating good and balanced meals for the last few weeks. One thing about eating healthy is that I find myself in the grocery store more often and I also find myself spending a lot of moolah. Its coo though (haha) I have one body and it deserves the best. One thing that I found funny is that because I am taking the time to eat better and think about myself more the people around me who should be hppy aren't. I notice that students are little more curt with me , my ex-boyfriend no longer compliments me and that I get evil eyes when I'm on the elliptical. Its fine...I just forgot how it used to be when I was slimmer. I think I'm about 15 pounds from being where I first started off and another 7 pounds from being my former size 2-4. I am excited to get back into all my old clothes and I find it fun to "ship my closet" as I find outfits that I used to wear as far as 7 years ago.

It's still shocking to me that I got so far out of control My weight loss goals will net me at a 70 pounds weight loss and even typing that makes me wince. I can never put myself secondary or last again. I'm in a weird transitioning place where I'm beginning to question everything and everyone. I now know that my job is temporary and that at my age I need to make some quick decisions or I will be at a total dead-end job with no money and prospects. I have picked up the LSAT for the 100th time and I'm finally studying...though challenging I am committed to finally taking the test this February and applying to Law School. It will be tough my GPA is not what it should be and I have to do really well on the test but I have told the desires of my heart to the Lord so I know that HE will make a way for me. I am also debating Graduate School for the fall so I have a lot of stuff on my plate. Relationship wise...my relationship of the last two years is at a dead-end. I find myself not caring or missing him at all. This past Sunday nipped it in the bud for me as we shared an unfortunate kiss and now I know there is no need for us to go any further than we are. I'm pretty much done and I have to get to the point where I live independently no matter how lonely I get. As for my past relationship....what a waste of time. That trip and person is SOOOO OVER I cannot even explain it nor do I have the energy to do so. I think past mistakes withstanding I will always feel a sense of responsibility when I think of him...but my self-esteem and heart cannot take any more disappointments and any decisions I have made I did them for a reason because I simply did not love him enough.

Sad huh..but its cool for the first time in a long time I'm not intrested in anyone and no one is interested in me:) Which is fine in some respects in others its shocking to the system. I have a hard time listening or trusting anyone who didn't like me when I was heavier. I was teh same person, I laughed the same, I cried the same I liked the same thing but because I had a weight issue all of a sudden I wasn't worthy anymore. That is why my weight loss is two-fold for me...one part of me is doing it for myself and another is doing it to prove a point. I haven't always been treated well by the people who claim to love, and I also have not always treated the people that I love well either. This is a new day of loving myself and returning to my pre-2006 days..if you want to come along with me on the journey then LET's GO!!! if not thank you kindly and step aside.


So let's do a bucket List for September-December

1) Lose the rest of the weight 20 pds by the beginning of November
2) Find a nice young chap to spend some time with
3) Finish all outstanding courses
4) Run 3miles without stopping
5) Find an alternate way of making money
6) Pay off all bills
7)Study 5 hours a day on the LSAT
8) Find new friends
9) Join a singing group/choir


wish me luck and I pray that you find peace in whatever you do or aspire to do

ahhh I didn't mention food at all (hahaha)

Today I had a GM with Spinach, Almond Butter, Almond Milk, one scoop of Slim Fast Chocolate Shake
7 bites of Pasta Salad
1 medium Coffee (2 sugars, 2-3 creams)
3/4 of a chocolate muffin
1 liter of water

Dinner better include...some meat, salad and hummus WOOT!

yeah..so if Regions would hurry up and send me my NEW bank card..I could indulge myself myself and buy these ridiculously hot shoes!!! I am in love with them, my Mum has a pair (my Mum is crazy stylish more on her later) Anyways they are dirt cheap at $125 plus 30% off..come on REGIONS I need to rock these shoes before it gets too cold.

On the food front, I totally want these last 15 pounds off my body, so I may have to up the exercise, but this cold is whopping my tail all I want to do is gym work and no running..ahhh well. I just have to watch the carbs and be diligent:)
Happy Sunday!

Too much CHEWING

Sorry I haven't updated...I got a cold and I was pretty much down for the rest of the week. I did eat pretty well when I had an appetite. I'm having a hard time waking up in the morning and find myself wanting to sleep till 10. Which leaves time for a workout and then it seems as if the day goes by so quickly. My relationship is totally on the fritz and I kind of don't care. I'm so over it. I have no energy and I will not waste another year loving someone who doesn't love me back. I was thinking about a particular guy last night and I hope he's not the love of my life. That would be very difficult to swallow. LOL..I mean we love hard but we also hate hard so we shall see.
For breakfast I had a Kashi Very Vanilla Oatmeal with some blueberries and Almond Buttah...it was good. I'm not sure how I feel about this Oatmeal too much chewing in my opinion. I also had some Arnold pre-sliced sandwhich breads..THERE IS A GOD!!! that bread is SO GOOD and for the price I can dig it. It was delish and I had it with some cucumbers, hummus, spinach and some roast chicken..divine.. I find I haven't been snacking late at night which is a blessing, cause that's how I put the weight on in the first place. I made a bet with my Mum, if I see her in November and I weight under 130 she will buy me a pair of Louboutins!! WOOT WOOT Opie is good for her word..if I lose that much weight I think my weight loss will be around 70 pounds..man alive. I WAS HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGE

I must say I'm quite pleased that I'm wearing a size 4 Club Monaco skirt, it has stretch but it's not tight or riding up. I really want to get back into my pre-weight college clothes so I gotta stay consistent..I won't be satisfied with a lazy 6..(shaking head) Anywho..I'm off to do some more work and I hope to watch a movie by myself if need be today..either Julie/Julia or The Time Traveller's Wife:)

HOLLA BACK!