M.I.A

I know no one reads this but I will say on my part that I need to do better and blog for my satisfaction and to keep track of the things that I digest. I have been living a pretty clean life and eating good and balanced meals for the last few weeks. One thing about eating healthy is that I find myself in the grocery store more often and I also find myself spending a lot of moolah. Its coo though (haha) I have one body and it deserves the best. One thing that I found funny is that because I am taking the time to eat better and think about myself more the people around me who should be hppy aren't. I notice that students are little more curt with me , my ex-boyfriend no longer compliments me and that I get evil eyes when I'm on the elliptical. Its fine...I just forgot how it used to be when I was slimmer. I think I'm about 15 pounds from being where I first started off and another 7 pounds from being my former size 2-4. I am excited to get back into all my old clothes and I find it fun to "ship my closet" as I find outfits that I used to wear as far as 7 years ago.

It's still shocking to me that I got so far out of control My weight loss goals will net me at a 70 pounds weight loss and even typing that makes me wince. I can never put myself secondary or last again. I'm in a weird transitioning place where I'm beginning to question everything and everyone. I now know that my job is temporary and that at my age I need to make some quick decisions or I will be at a total dead-end job with no money and prospects. I have picked up the LSAT for the 100th time and I'm finally studying...though challenging I am committed to finally taking the test this February and applying to Law School. It will be tough my GPA is not what it should be and I have to do really well on the test but I have told the desires of my heart to the Lord so I know that HE will make a way for me. I am also debating Graduate School for the fall so I have a lot of stuff on my plate. Relationship wise...my relationship of the last two years is at a dead-end. I find myself not caring or missing him at all. This past Sunday nipped it in the bud for me as we shared an unfortunate kiss and now I know there is no need for us to go any further than we are. I'm pretty much done and I have to get to the point where I live independently no matter how lonely I get. As for my past relationship....what a waste of time. That trip and person is SOOOO OVER I cannot even explain it nor do I have the energy to do so. I think past mistakes withstanding I will always feel a sense of responsibility when I think of him...but my self-esteem and heart cannot take any more disappointments and any decisions I have made I did them for a reason because I simply did not love him enough.

Sad huh..but its cool for the first time in a long time I'm not intrested in anyone and no one is interested in me:) Which is fine in some respects in others its shocking to the system. I have a hard time listening or trusting anyone who didn't like me when I was heavier. I was teh same person, I laughed the same, I cried the same I liked the same thing but because I had a weight issue all of a sudden I wasn't worthy anymore. That is why my weight loss is two-fold for me...one part of me is doing it for myself and another is doing it to prove a point. I haven't always been treated well by the people who claim to love, and I also have not always treated the people that I love well either. This is a new day of loving myself and returning to my pre-2006 days..if you want to come along with me on the journey then LET's GO!!! if not thank you kindly and step aside.


So let's do a bucket List for September-December

1) Lose the rest of the weight 20 pds by the beginning of November
2) Find a nice young chap to spend some time with
3) Finish all outstanding courses
4) Run 3miles without stopping
5) Find an alternate way of making money
6) Pay off all bills
7)Study 5 hours a day on the LSAT
8) Find new friends
9) Join a singing group/choir


wish me luck and I pray that you find peace in whatever you do or aspire to do

ahhh I didn't mention food at all (hahaha)

Today I had a GM with Spinach, Almond Butter, Almond Milk, one scoop of Slim Fast Chocolate Shake
7 bites of Pasta Salad
1 medium Coffee (2 sugars, 2-3 creams)
3/4 of a chocolate muffin
1 liter of water

Dinner better include...some meat, salad and hummus WOOT!