And So it Is................... (theme from CLOSER)

Before there was Jack there was a man by the name of "blank blank"....though sweet Jackie had to let him GO! That's what I did on Friday and surprisingly I feel pretty good about it. I've been pretty down for the last couple of months. Something has been feeling off..I couldn't describe it but I knew that I wasn't happy any more. I feel like my youth was literally ripped from underneath me and caught myself wearing flats and eating chicken wings...undiva like behavior. I know that this separation will hurt... I've been used to the rides and money here and there..but its not worth my happiness. I literally can't recognize myself. I was looking at my calves this morning and I just feel swollen. I've never felt like this before nor have I every let myself go this point. Everything is out of whack and I'm finally reached my limit. Studying and Working Out is all I can do at this point to feel like Yolande again. I have some big engagements coming up so I must look and feel my best. Jackie politely gave the ring back and she and her ex-fiancee ended up being great friends. I'm not sure if this will happen in my situation but I have to at least be willing to follow through and let go.
I just miss my sassy self....the only way for to find her is to cut the fat and find her. I can't do that and be unhappy and I'm the sort that finds solace in food. My relationship is literally draining of me of life source. I believe he knows that...though he may not want to admit it. I know he's not happy either..and as much as I love him, I love me more.

I'm going raw this coming Monday..just trying to get healthy..this will be difficult and hard for me since I lack no self control but I'm hoping through prayer and meditation I will be able to get over this weight issue. Ok no processed food, no wings, no sweets....no CRAP I deserve better...

See ya
Y