Fat and Stupid Ass Relationships

So yeah,
long story short I'm dating a guy who is sort of beneath me.. I know that sounds radical its just that where I am today as in this minute HE CAN'T DO ANYTHING FOR ME. He has more luggage than Naomi Campbell at Heath row, children, grandchildren...plus someone I totally respect says that because of the age difference, he will begin to age me. You have no idea how close i was to spitting out my morning coffee. After years of slacking off, I am in a good place. I have a good job, that doesn't pay which is another post. School is looking good and though I face normal challenges I can say I much rather where I am today, than where I was 2 years ago. This relationship kind of happened and though there are many good moments. Some of the not so good ones have been weighing me down.

1) He is financially unstable, which if you know me is a problem because I am deathly afraid of poverty.

2) He has children and grandchildren and an ex-wife. None of these people directly affect me, but I'm a selfish chick so one day they will

3) Though his job doesn't pay that way, he does a trade where he can make money...but ummm he is lazy and chooses not to work.

4) Let's not even touch his car which got repossessed and I can't even continue I have this feeling in the put of my stomach.

So yeah I guess I want a reason out, but I'm having a hard time coming up with one. In my work I don't get the opportunity to date so really this kind of works for me. But I swear, if I'm dating someone this old, you would think there would be some benefits. I'm hoping and praying that this trip to California goes through and that I can take the time while on the beach (lol) to really think about the future of this relationship.

He's kind of one of those men who look good on the outside, but don't have 100 to his name. This probably makes me look like a loser for being associated but ahhh we all make mistakes. With him I have not gained anything but WEIGHT.

Switching gears. I am on a major diet. I have about 20 pounds of fat on me that has GOT to disappear. I am working out again and eating healthy so hopefully my body will snap about into shape. The stomach and thighs are killing me and definitely doing a doozy to self-esteem. I once known for my body and know yeah... that body is gone:( So I will keep myself in check and run and snack lightly and stay away from vending machines. Wish me luck!